Untitled Fic
by Sanza
Summary: Bad things happen when an idiot writes a fic...(OOC, rated R for some language)


Disclaimer: obviously I don't own Naruto. If I did, It wouldn't be as popular as it is today.   
  
This fic takes place when Naruto, Sasuke, and Haku are fighting on the bridge in chapter 26 or was it 27? ...or 28?. The "idea" for this fic came to me when I was laying in bed snickering while thinking of stupid immature jokes. please R&R!  
  
~Untitled Fic~  
  
"GWAAAAAAAAAA"  
  
A girlish scream echoed through out Wave country as Haku made Sasuke his new pin cushion. The amazingly high-pitched scream that no one would ever think could come out of a boy whos voice made you think he went thorugh puberty a few years too early awoke Naruto.  
  
"Huh? Wha? The? Zaa?" said a tired and confused Naruto  
  
"Ow... I'm, like, hurt or something"  
  
"Sasuke? That you?"  
  
"Uhhh, yeah. Can't you tell."  
  
"No, not really. Right now you look like a fucking porcupine"  
  
"I soooooooo do not look like a porcupine. Porcupines suck, they're my least favorite animal. Now, a cat, thats a awesome animal"  
  
"O...K?  
  
"BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!" The lame laugh from a masked she-male made Naruto and Sasuke halt their conversation about felines and turn to stare at Haku...  
  
...  
  
"This dorks not worth my time" Naruto and Sasuke said in unison and turned away from Haku to continue the abrubtly stopped conversation from earlier.  
  
"Ugh! I think there is one in my kidney. Maybe if I jiggle it a little it'll get bette- OW! FUCK!"  
  
"Sasuke, you shouldn't whine about a needle in your kidney"  
  
"Why shouldn't I? It hurts!"  
  
"A true shinobi wouldn't be such a pussy when someone puts a needle in his kidney."  
  
"Oh, so, if I take a kunai and jab it into your side, you won't yell?"  
  
"Nope! Because I'm gonna be fuckin' Hokage!"  
  
"PFFT! whatever... Dammit needles suck."  
  
"Hey! are you gonna atleast pay attention to me?" for a second time the two genins turned to look at the she-male, I mean, Haku.  
  
"No." Said Naruto  
  
"Why? Iam so very lonely. Master Zabuza's daily raping of my body have made so very, very lonely. And he's so cold in bed..." Haku continued giving more information than anyone needed or wanted to know.  
  
"Don't wanna know!" Naruto said in hopes Haku would stop talking.  
  
"I think my troubles started when my father tried to kill me and..." Haku showed no signs of stopping anytime soon, so the boys decided to leave.  
  
Finally stopping his telling of his life story that no one asked for, Haku noticed that both Sasuke and Naruto were a good fifty feet from where they were when he started his story and were headed in the direction of Inari's house.  
  
"Wha? hey! I wasn't done with my story! come back!" Haku yelled "Won't you atleast let me tell you why I attacked you?"  
  
"Didn't Zabuza tell you to attack us?" replied Sasuke  
  
"No... er, yes, but I have my own reasons."  
  
"...Ugh, fine, why did you attack us?"  
  
"Well, to be honest, I only wanted to attack you, Sasuke"  
  
"Why only me?" Sasuke asked even though he didn't really care.  
  
"I can't forgive anyone who has the word 'uke' in their name" Said Haku in a almost threatening tone  
  
"Whoa! I didn't even notice that until now... creepy." Naruto said finally deciding to join the conversation.  
  
Totally embarassed, not wanting to talk anymore, and eager to get those needles out of him, Sas'uke' starting walking back in the direction of Inari's house once again. Naruto and Haku didn't bother telling Sasuke to come back because they were too busy talking about his unfortunate name.  
  
"Yeah, ever since I learnt his name, it weirded me out."  
  
"Man... I trained with that guy, now its just, like... 'Dude, dont even try to train with me.' Thats what I'll say then next time I see him" Naruto and Haku were now starting to sound like two little homophobic boys rather than the trained ninjas they should be acting like.  
  
"You should totally say that, ya don't want him trying anything 'weird' "  
  
"Mmm Hmm" Naruto nodded in agreeance  
  
...  
  
"Hey, do we still have to fight?"  
  
"Naw... I don't really care what Zabuza wants anymore."  
  
"Oh, OK. Can I go home then?"  
  
"Yeah, I don't see any reason why we should fight. Buh-Bye!"  
  
Both boys started walking back home to rest. Sadly, Haku forgot about Kakashi's and Zabuza's fight and walked right in front of Kakashi as he was charging towards Zabuza with Lightning Edge. Haku's eyes didn't even blink when the jounin's hand went right through his heart.  
  
"Gagh! Zabuza-san..."  
  
"My future is death? Heh... You're wrong again, Kakashi" Said Zabuza with a smirk "Great job, Haku."  
  
Kakashi and Zabuza then continued fighting... and anyone that has read those chapters, knows what happened, I'm not gonna explain jackshit!  
  
Anyways, before haku died, his/her last thoughts were: 'NOOOOOOO!! I NEVER GOT ANY POONTANG!!!!!!!!'  
  
Da End  
  
Yeah, that blew major chunks, didn't it? But this was my first fanfic ever, so, LAY OFF!! JACKASS!  
  
Whatever... I'm gonna go do something else now... 


End file.
